Say Something
by NowComesTheNight
Summary: Companion story to Rest Stop. Allen would have given Kanda one more chance if he had just said something, anything, to him. AU, Yullen.


**Say Something**

 **Summery** : Companion story to Rest Stop. Allen would have given Kanda one more chance if he had just said something, anything, to him. AU, Yullen.

 **A/N** : Woohoo! Been a while! This story will show the reasons that Allen and Kanda's relationship fell apart. It will be short and to the point, like the previous one. They don't have to be read in any particular order, though reading this story second may actually be better. Also, I'm trying to get better at making switching points of view less convoluted. The title is taken from the song by A Great Big World.

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own anything except this plot.

XxxX

Allen should have known this trip was a bad idea. Sitting against the back of the couch, slouched and arms crossed atop his bent knees, he reflected on his and his boyfriend's most recent blowout.

Their relationship had become a strained, tense mess in the last few months. They had alway had a tumultuous relationship and Kanda was never an open book, but this was far beyond any problems they'd had before. The fighting started to escalate with an argument they had about Kanda's evasive attitude towards any talk about his past and whether or not they should move in together. Allen wanted to take the next step, he wanted to share his life with Kanda in a deeper way, but his boyfriend suddenly shut down and began to react violently. Allen knew that the issue went far deeper then just an inability to commit, and he tried to be patient and gentle, wanted to soothe and heal the pain he was harboring, but Kanda only pushed him further away every time he tried. The frequency of their arguments began to pick up and before Allen knew it they were fighting about everything. Kanda had never been a warm person and he had always had a very short temper, but he, also, had never been so out of control. Never before had Kanda said words so cutting, or reacted so explosively.

Allen felt ragged and exhausted, and he really didn't want to press further then what Kanda was comfortable with. However, something was eating away at his boyfriend, making him edgy and defensive, and he just couldn't let Kanda deal with it by himself. It was clear to Allen that whatever Kanda was hiding had wounded him deeply and it was keeping them from progressing in their relationship. If they couldn't talk about it, they would never be able to move past it.

Allen had thought that taking up Lavi's offer to use his grandfather's cabin for a couple days alone would help. He thought they could relax and get around to discussing the problems that were building, and maybe, just maybe, he could get Kanda to tell him what was bothering him. That couldn't have been further from the reality he was currently facing. The entire weekend had devolved into petty fights, but this last one was particularly harsh and had rattled Allen.

While he and Kanda always fought most explosively when Allen tried to coax him back into a conversation about his past, this time he was downright terrifying. His eyes flashed and his teeth gnashed, but Allen kept pressing for more and even implied that Kanda may not be as invested in this relationship as Allen was. Then, Kanda picked up the closest thing to him, a delicately beautiful blue and white vase, and threw it with all his impressive strength.

This wasn't the first time Kanda threw something during an argument. Allen noticed that if his anger flew past the tipping point, he would grab something and throw it to the ground before pulling back. It was usually something innocuous like a pillow, but on a rare occasion Kanda would throw something more substantial. Allen was used to it and usually prepared for it, but tonight was different. Instead of it being thrown at the ground, Allen found himself scrambling to get out of the way as the vase flew directly at him. He ducked down and covered his head as it shattered into thousands of tiny pieces when it hit the wall behind him. His heart pounded in an irregular tattoo and he could hear the blood coursing through his veins as Allen tried to get his panicked breathing back under control. When he finally looked up, he could see a similarly astonished look cross Kanda's face before he turned and walked away, slamming the bedroom door behind him.

Allen was stilled by shock amidst what was left of the destroyed vase. After a few minutes, he broke himself out of his daze and absently cleaned up the mess Kanda had made before sinking down to the floor, leaning against the back of the couch. Allen couldn't help but wonder if his relationship wasn't as fragile as that vase, if it couldn't shatter just as easily.

XxxX

When Kanda came into the living room and threw Allen's packed duffel bag at his feet, his boyfriend flinched visibly, startled, before attempting to collect himself.

"Lets get outta here." Kanda said gruffly, trying to avoid direct eye contact with Allen.

When a few moments passed and Allen didn't answer, he couldn't resist anymore and looked at those warm silver eyes. He felt a sharp twinge of shock run down his spine as he noticed the defeated but desperate look on the young man's face, silently begging him to say something, anything. Kanda felt his guard harden a little at the sight, knowing what Allen wanted from him. However, he'd lived too long without relying on anyone, and he simply couldn't bring himself to open up to his boyfriend no matter how much he wanted to.

And he did want to. Kanda wanted nothing more then to give Allen everything he asked for, but the mere thought made his chest tighten in mild panic. No one had ever gotten underneath his skin like Allen had. No one had ever made him feel so comfortable, and so very vulnerable. As always, whenever Allen pushed him like this, his fear twisted to deep irritation and anger, and his fist curled tightly at his side as he ground his teeth in frustration. The need to lash out built in intensity, like a sick sense of self preservation that he couldn't control. Right now, loosing control was the last thing he wanted to do. Not when just a couple hours ago he could have very well severely injured Allen because he wasn't paying close enough attention to his actions. He would never hit Allen, not even if he wanted to, and the fact that he nearly did without even realizing it sickened him. Kanda needed to protect Allen from himself.

So, he gathered up all his will power and ignored his boyfriend.

XxxX

Allen knew his expression was begging Kanda to open up, but, in all honesty, all Kanda would have to say right now to make him feel like their relationship was worth another shot was 'sorry'. An apology from the man standing beside him would have him following Kanda just one more time. An apology would prove to him that he had the ability to crack the hard veneer Kanda hid behind. It would mean he meant something to his boyfriend.

"Che." With that irritated huff, Kanda snatched his own duffel bag before stomping out to the car.

Allen jumped as the front door slammed shut and rattled in its frame, resounding like a death knoll. He took a deep calming breath and leaning his forehead against his crossed arms as an overwhelming pain spread through his chest, trying his damnedest not to cry. That was it, he had Kanda's answer and damn if it didn't hurt more then he could have imagined.

Quickly piecing himself back together, Allen picked up his bag and followed Kanda out to the car. He paused a moment to stare at the car sitting idle and innocent in the dark. An eerie numbness began to spread through his hollowed chest down to the tips of his fingers as his mind drifted to Kanda and their relationship. The cool night air was unable to pierce his skin as he thought about that harsh dismissal.

He didn't think it would be so easy for Kanda to give up.


End file.
